So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27 (NLT)

At the creation of Adam, male and female were created in the one person Adam. 

“The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” … Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. …for she was taken out of man.”” Genesis 2:18…23 (NIV)

Though Equal, Not the Same

I believe when Eve was separated from Adam, the female portion was taken out of Adam and put into Eve. So there was a split. A split that was differentiated by 2 different bodies, emotions, and mental approaches.

Adam and Eve were created equal, but they did not get the same characteristics. God designed these differences on purpose. Together they create a team where each person is not complete without the other.

To be a good marriage team, we need to understand these differences. A good marriage does not happen by accident. Most of us go into marriage thinking our spouse thinks like us. Marriage is like dribbling a basketball or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy until you try it.

The first step is to acknowledge the difference. The second step is to admit our way is not the best way. It is just our way. Our spouse has something to offer that is valuable. I want to cover one way the Bible tells us to relate to our spouse that is different for husbands and wives.

Husbands and Wives have Different Emotional Needs 

Wives respond to love first, and husbands respond to respect. Said in reverse, husbands are to first love their wives and wives are to first respect their husbands. Notice the difference in words?

Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it. … So husbands must love their wives as they love their own bodies. A man who loves his wife loves himself. … But every husband must love his wife as he loves himself, and wives should respect their husbands. Ephesians 5:25…33 (GW)

Did you notice it doesn’t say that wives should love their husbands? Yes, they should, but there is a more basic need mentioned that husbands need. It doesn’t say husbands should respect their wives. Yes, husbands should respect their wives, but there is a more basic need here. Understanding this helps us to understand what our spouse needs most and how to meet it.

Man got the strength of God. Women got the beauty of God.

In the split of woman from man – man reveals the strength of God and women reveal the beauty of God.

See the article: God Created Strength in Men & Beauty in Women for more information on this subject.

How does this apply to this article. Strength leads to accomplishments that men want to be respected for. Beauty wants to be loved by its very nature.

Love is affection, attention, adoration, and care for a person.

Respect is admiration, and appreciation for a project or accomplishment done by a person.

Let’s look at some comparisons between these two words to get a better understanding. Ponder on these differences and how they will affect how you relate to your spouse.

Comparisons between Love and Respect

Wives: Want Affection  Husbands: Want Admiration

Wives: Want Attention  Husbands: Want Appreciation

Husbands: It’s not the flowers by itself that are important, it’s the attention.

Wives: It’s not the compliment about him by itself that is most important, it’s the appreciation shown.

Wives: Ask, how do I look? Husbands: Ask, How did I do?

Husbands Should Never Say: You shouldn’t feel that way. Men you are attacking her emotions and identity.

Wives Should Never Say: Why did you do it that way? That is a crazy idea. When you say this wives, you are attacking his ability, skills, and identity.

Wives: Just sit with me. Husbands: Just do with me.

Love Examples for Husbands to their Wives

Hug and kiss your wife every morning while you are still in bed.

Tell her that you love her while you’re having breakfast together.

Kiss her before you leave for work.

Call her during the day to see how she is doing.

After work, call her before you leave for home, so that she can know when to expect you.

Gifts for special occasions (Christmas Day, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, birthday, etc.) should be sentimental, not practical. Learn how to shop for a woman. The more frivolous the better.

Bring her flowers once in a while as a surprise ( be sure to include a card that expresses your love for her)

When you arrive home from work, give her a hug and kiss and spend a few minutes talking to her about how her day went.

Help with the dishes after dinner.

Hug and kiss every night, before you both go to sleep.

Affection tells wives: I appreciate you and would marry you again if I had the chance. I’ll take care of you and protect you. You are important to me, and I want nothing to happen to you. I’m concerned about the problems you face, and I’m with you.

A wife needs to know that she is cherished. Let her know you see great value in her as a person, that you want to protect, and praise her to others. Tell your wife that you love them often and in many ways.

Respect Examples for Wives to their Husbands

Respect compliments on what he does at work, around the house, work with the kids – even if it is not to your standards.

Respect appreciates his role as a leader.

Respect means listening to his ideas, even if you don’t think they will work. You allow him to share without criticism. Feedback is important, but how you do it and when is more important.

I often hear from wives that they can’t find something good to respect. This is not true. Of course you can. Look for things he does well, which may or may not be what you want from him.

Closing

Enjoy the journey of marriage by understanding the differences. Our way is not better, it is just a different half of mankind. The two make one.