Hanging Around Non-Christians

How should we act around non-Christians? Some people are naturals at it; others don’t know what to do. Some people act like them and get in trouble. Others preach the gospel to them immediately. Neither of these extremes works. It is easier than you may think. Here are some big thoughts to get us started.

BIG THOUGHTS

It’s not Us vs Them

We are not in a medieval jousting match. It’s our befriending them and stopping fearing them. Treat them as people created in the image of God. They may not be following him now, but they are still created in His image. Realize they have great potential as they follow God.

Everyone Is Searching For the Eternal

Ecclesiastes 3:10-11 (NIV) (10)  I have seen the burden God has laid on men. (11)  He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

Spiritual curiosity is at an all-time high. We were created this way. God created us with eternity in our hearts. He has done this so that we might reach out to him and find him. We can help people think about God.

Acts 17:26-27 (NLT)  From one man he created all the nations throughout the whole earth. He decided beforehand when they should rise and fall, and he determined their boundaries. 27 “His purpose was for the nations to seek after God and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him—though he is not far from any one of us.

Everyone has searched for God. Some are disappointed with the picture of God they found. Romans 1 says they have all known there is a God.

Romans 1:19-20 (NLT) They know the truth about God because he has made it obvious to them. 20 For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God.

Everyone wants to be known. One reason for all the search for love in our society is that it is a God attribute. Need to realize God wants this relationship with everyone. 

We Don’t Convict People

John 16:5-8 (NLT) “But now I am going away to the one who sent me, and not one of you is asking where I am going. 6 Instead, you grieve because of what I’ve told you. 7 But in fact, it is best for you that I go away, because if I don’t, the Advocate won’t come. If I do go away, then I will send him to you. 8 And when he comes, he will convict the world of its sin, and of God’s righteousness, and of the coming judgment.

We don’t save anybody, convince anybody, or “win” anybody to Christ. All that is God’s business. The Holy Spirit is doing this all on His own terms and timetable. We are not sales agents, marketing representatives, counselors or prosecutors. We are just friends who come alongside to point the way to something that we have found. Just relax and enjoy the person instead of trying to convert them.

We are 1 link in the chain of Holy Spirit speaking to them. Don’t count your ‘scalps’ of salvation. Follow Holy Spirit instead and watch Him work.

DOs

Here are 3 steps to follow: Ask, Listen, Share

Ask – About Themselves

Find out where people are ‘at’. We often jump into sharing the gospel, and they may already know the gospel. Start off by getting to know them as people. Their interests, hobbies, work, family, etc. Just be a friend to them.

Questions serve so many purposes. Find out what people already know before you set out to tell them anything. This signals that you’re paying attention. Questions help clarify, prompt people to elaborate, uncover areas of agreement and foster empathy. Over time, you will find out where they are spiritually. At that point, you have a much better ‘on-ramp’ to telling your story.

Seek to understand first, not to win to Christ. Trying to understand another’s point of view is key. This shows respect to them as a person. It helps you know how to tell your story with more meaning to them when the time comes.

No one wins when we can’t discuss the issues most important to them. The world is polarized, and we can’t bridge that divide if we don’t care about others’ fears, desires and dreams. 

This is not a battle of wits … it’s an opportunity to be salt and light.

Proverbs 18:2 Fools find no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing their opinion

Don’t be a fool. Make the other person feel heard. Listen. Don’t preach. In a world where people are shouting at each other and have little positive personal interaction, use simple tools to let others know you’re listening and that you truly care. 

Don’t interrupt; use body language to show you’re invested. Listening to their input without simultaneously thinking about how to counteract it will reflect the love and grace of Christ.

James 1:19 Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.

Find common ground. Could someone you view as your enemy ever change your mind? Probably not. Building a rapport is essential. Start a dialogue that builds consensus or finds common facts, values or principles. Build a firm foundation so you can have productive conversations.

You may have to start with “smaller” subjects in order to find common ground. For instance, do you both agree that times are tough economically? Discuss what you have in common — such as the higher cost of groceries — before you attempt to talk about a big idea about free-market capitalism versus socialism.

It is important to make an emotional connection first over a mental connection. You are part of a chain that some of whose links may have already been placed. Therefore, it’s so important to listen first.

Listen – To Their Story

Let them talk. They will feel loved, validated and it will give you insight for later on how to give them hope. Jesus was a friend of sinners. Come alongside them with the goal of giving them the honor they deserve as ones created in the image of God.

Matthew 11:19-20 (NLT) For John didn’t spend his time eating and drinking, and you say, ‘He’s possessed by a demon.’ 19 The Son of Man, on the other hand, feasts and drinks, and you say, ‘He’s a glutton and a drunkard, and a friend of tax collectors and other sinners!’ But wisdom is shown to be right by its results.”

Listen. Talk. Laugh. Cry. Find out where you can contribute and what you can learn.

Follow the nudge of the Holy Spirit in talking not a script. There’s something to give and something to receive in every relationship. Don’t see it as a one sided relationship with you having all there is to offer.

Share – Your Story

Share what has worked for you. Show through your relationship that God makes a difference and is not just a set of beliefs. Show that Christianity is about transformation and not just information. You have to get close to people to show this.

Be prepared for if or when the time comes to share your story of what has made a difference in your life.

1 Peter 3:15 Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.

You do this not by preaching but by sharing your story followed up by what worked for you. This differs from saying you need to believe this. You can say, “This is what I have found out so far.” You can share in a way that is about you and not about them having to believe like you. Let Holy Spirit convict them as He desires.

Watch your tone. 

Proverbs 16:21 The wise in heart will be called understanding, and sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.

Jesus is truth to you because you have taken the time to assimilate Him and see that He is truth. We have to give other people the same option. They shouldn’t believe it until they have had time to assimilate it and see that it is truth. If what you believe is really true, it will stand the test of time. You don’t want them believing it because you believe it. If you have the truth, eventually they will be confronted with it. If you don’t, then no amount of talking will attract them. Don’t make them believing Jesus conditional for the relationship. 

DON’Ts

Tell Everything You Know

Don’t do the equivalent of a gospel tract dump. Just give them the next thing to help them on their journey. Remember, you are a link in the chain. Ask Holy Spirit how you are to relate to them. It is always good to entice them with the results of your story. If they want to know more, they will keep asking questions; if they don’t, it rarely does any good to keep talking. 

Correct Everything Someone Says That Is Wrong

Why do we insist on correcting people? Even other Christians? You are not the protector and defender of truth. Avoid being a doctrine Nazi. Focus on the essentials. We often have a value system in the church that values correct thinking more than correct relationships. We value doctrine more than family. Just because they say something that may be wrong doesn’t mean you are to correct it or that by not correcting it you are allowing great evil to perpetuate in the world.

CLOSING

Relax, enjoy people, celebrate where you can and by so doing showing the love of God. This will open doors to the love of God for them.