Have you ever prayed for the fire of God? I used to. It sounded so cutting edge spiritual.
I wanted to be all that God wanted me to be. “Lord, bring your fire! Consume us,” I would pray.
I don’t really know what I was thinking. I guess I thought that literal fire would come out of heaven and burn up all the sinners and burn out all the sin in my friends, or some version of that. Maybe I thought I would see flames of fire dancing around the auditorium like God did for the Israelites in the wilderness.
I now realize I was clueless.
I don’t remember exactly when the fire came. It was such a small flame at first that I barely noticed. But I knew I wasn’t cool anymore. My friends didn’t think I was cool either.
Believe or not, as the flame grew in my life I had to ask what it was. I was looking for something else. Not really sure what, just something else. I ended up telling the Lord that I didn’t like all of the heat and pressure that was now coming into my life. Have you ever done that?
In all honesty, I was much blunter with God. I said something like this, “what are you doing?” Followed by, “why me?” Finished by, “when is this going to be over?”
I didn’t like all of the burning up of things from my life. In hindsight, the removal of things was the easiest part. It was the burning up of me that was causing the heat blisters. The flame started moving around in my soul and burning up motivations, attitudes, pride, and even my purpose.
I am still being burned up. Evidently there is a lot of wood to burn.
Most everybody knows I am being burned up now. I look like the ashes in a camp fire pit. It’s not glamorous. I won’t make the cover of Christianity Today anytime soon.
The problem is that most people think it’s the devil getting his way with me. If only that was true, I could rebuke the devil. It’s hard to rebuke what you prayed for.
I am praying that the oxygen supply will give out soon.
How is your heat blisters?